It never gets any easier...

Well since my last post, "Loser" has come and gone a few times, always as he pleases never anything consistent. The kids will notice one days how often he isn't where he says he will be. The
"I'm sorry"s and "my phone died" excuses of everyday novelty wears off. I said 'kids', right. I had my little girl "Baby" for all purposes here, was born to us a little under a week ago, he managed yo clear his schedule to be there for her birth, and birth certificate signing, since we never married. He took R.E. for a couple days to help while Baby and I stayed in the hospital. The morning that he dropped R.E. off, he hasn't been back since. No calls, texts, emails, smoke signals...*shrug* or any other form of communication. I thought I found a man that wouldn't be like my father, bailing on his children to better take care of himself, to be selfish and not give your kids shit. I was wrong. Fooled me MULTIPLE times...shame on me. I sit here and I look back on the last year of my life. I realize that I am in the same state I was about year ago, when he decided to leave R.E. and I. Back to feeling so lost and alone, back to feeling unwanted and unnecessary. Except this year, we have Baby, and it hasn't made the slightest bit of difference. He's still not here, still hanging out, getting wasted, drugs, booze...whatever it is this time, then will come with another excuse next time. "I lost my phone", "I couldn't find a charger", "I never got any of your calls", "I never got any of your texts" take your pic. The ridiculousness is 10 miles long. I can never just get the truth. Would hurt a lot less in the long run, but hey, who am I to deserve something "better" from him? Why should his children matter more than the next beer, line, girl or concert to attend that you have in front of you? I guess we never really did matter, I just thought we did...or was it HOPED we did...either way, it didn't happen, never will...